How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you
Unrequited love has got to be
one of the most difficult situations to find one’s self in, when it
comes to matters of the heart. Most people have found themselves in this
sort of heartache at least once in their life time and trust me, it’s
not something you would want to experience again (if you ever had) or
ever (if you never had). You could also be in a relationship and your
partner suddenly realizes s/he doesn’t feel the way s/he thought s/he
did.
Without talking writing plenty, I will be giving you suggestive tips on how to stop loving whoever does not love you back.
- Be honest with yourself and stop the blame game.
When in such situations, you will most
likely want to tell yourself you are not in love with the said person.
You will tell yourself s/he loves you back and make excuses for them as
to why they are not showing it. Then when you get angry, pissed or
depressed, you start the blame game. You either blame your loving
him/her on the fact that s/he was too nice and gave you the green light
(the light you assumed was green) or throw the blame at the person or
medium through which you met him/her. Some even go as far as unfriending
that link or closing down that account they have on the very social
network site where they met.
It’s nobody’s fault that you fell in
love with someone who does not feel exactly the same way about you,
neither does the fault have to fall on the linking medium. Get over it
already. And accept that you are in this mess (in love with him/her)
already. Don’t be ashamed of having loved and lost. Its life, you win
some, you lose some.
- Grieve
Cry all you want. I read an article on a
blog on how important it is to cry. It’s normal for you to cry. It
doesn’t make you less human or even a man (like some will submit that
only ladies cry), neither does it make you a weakling. Express your
feeling, pour them out to a friend who is matured enough to understand
how you feel and lend you a shoulder to cry it all out on without
judging. You don’t have such a friend? Hit me up or talk to your pillow
and soak it up. You would feel a lot better when you can truly let all
the emotions out and rinse (cry) them out.
- Avoid memory triggers.
You know that song that reminds you of
the person? That spot that reminds you of him/her? That special kind of
food s/he alone likes eating? Just stop! Stop reminding yourself of
these things. If possible, change your environment for a bit, visit
distant family or friends and keep yourself away from mutual friends you
share with this person. I know you can’t delete yourself from the face
of the earth just because you trying to avoid memories, but you have got
to try and stop doing, listening, going and looking at things that
would always remind you of him/her. S/he is happy, you deserve to be
happy too, you owe yourself that much.
- Seek the Negative side.
I know you feel something special for
him/her. I know, to you he is the Mr. Perfect that just slipped off your
finger. I know how much it hurts to think you are losing the one guy
that has almost 90% of your list on the attribute of your Mr. Right. But
trust me honey, no one is perfect. We all have our bad sides, Stop for a
moment and think of those ‘not so good’ things about him/her, dwell on
them for a while and tell yourself you wouldn’t bear that. Don’t allow
the ‘I can change him/her’ syndrome a space to crawl in. You cannot
change anyone except s/he decides to.
This doesn’t mean you go around spoiling
his/her image and saying all sorts about him/her. Just focus on it
enough to know that there’s someone out there waiting on your love and
ready to give you love.
- Get busy.
It’s time to occupy your time and mind
with those events that would bring about those goals and ambitions of
yours. Study more, get a new degree, register for a new program, invest
in yourself, go shopping, be a better person, enhance your relationship
with God, get creative, learn a hand work, dare to reach new horizons,
have fun(anything crazy you think of will help) and be happy.
- Think of everything you have been missing and get back in the game.
Yeah, think of everything you have
missed while loving this guy or girl. The awesome partners you must have
let down in the name of being faithful or hoping your lover will come
around to love you back. Remember the heart loves who it loves. Shake it
all off and determine to be happy. Only you have the key to remain
happy except you have decided to hand it over to other people. Flirt
(understand the basic meaning first), have fun, be happy but be wise and
never drop your self-respect.
I hope these few tips would help you win YOU back. You deserve to be happy.
Written by Olamide Dasilva
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