SHAME!!!

 

Shame, this a tricky one to touch on, but to begin, can we attempt to imagine, then define what shame is to us individually, those feelings, actions and things that makes us ashamed. It may be physical features we had no control of, but we beat ourselves daily over it. For some it's their skin colour (race); their sex with the claim of being in the 'wrong body'. Remember I said earlier, that it's a tricky one to discuss, but it won't be good to evade. I do hold dear, the principle that to each its own. We have a right to our opinions, most especially about ourselves. 

Shame to me is a feeling of inadequacy, insufficiency to a perception or supposed opinion of self and people's expectations. Expectations again! My head and hands seem to be whining. Let's look at what expectations had made us to be ashamed of, with some good every day instances we are used to.

As a student from a home that can barely pay your school fees then cater for your upkeep, but your parents do their best to make sure you don't lack these needs. But because you want to be seen with the latest accessories and cars. So it could be assumed that you are from a privileged background, you become a 'runs girl', 'a gigolo', ' a yahoo yahoo' to list a few; just because you can't stand  your presumed shame of your background.

As an employee with a fair salary that can take care of you and your family basic needs, but because you want your neighbors, extended family, church members to feel you are doing extremely well with the job. You buy a car or rent a house you can barely maintain with your already existing needs.  Your home address is lekki when it should actually be at ikorodu (my question is: are all Nigerians in show business?). To keep up with this expectations, you start cutting corners at work to shortchange your employers. Still in this category are those already blessed with great jobs like working in multinationals with a great position (not a janitor or guard), but because you have taken the responsibility of an entire community or village. You have to start stealing by unethical practices.

I won't talk about career politicians, who do not have any consistent paying jobs but live the jet set life.

Shame, its avoidance has caused a lot of people to live a lie. These lies have become our daily realities, some say fake it until you make it. But I say believe and work at it, until you make it. The crafty ones would say, I have said it and that's what they are doing to their bodies, bleaching until they turn 'yellow fever'. And surgeries till their body suits their perceptions, because they want to feel fulfilled and unashamed, then happy.

I would conclude by saying that we have made ourselves victims of our shame. Lets reverse it to be sane and be human.  

Author

Chukwunwezie Yalokwu