The Ultimate Lagos Guide To Coping In Danfos

Moving around in Lagos is war, but having to move around in a Danfo makes it ten times worse. 

Lagos Buses, Danfos, Molues, moving caskets. We have all heard of these infamous means of transport and the stories of horror that surround them. Cranky conductors, Delusional Drivers and the psychotic passengers. The noise that emanates from different angles of these buses cannot be blocked out by noise cancelling earphones. Go ahead, try it. The things that occur on a 15-minute journey in any of these buses is enough to lock the driver, passengers and always shouting conductor in a prison cell. If you absolutely use a Danfo to get to your destination, here are a few essential tips to ensure your survival.

1. Always have the exact amount of change that you need.

Before you enter any Lagos bus, make sure you have the exact amount of money that you need to pay the conductor. As a rule, the conductors never have change. Do yourself a favour, and listen to their advice: ‘Enter with your change’. If you’re unable to take the exact amount of money that you would be required to pay your bus fare, then please make sure the amount of change you want to collect isn’t more than one hundred naira at most. If you make the mistake of entering a Lagos bus with 1000 naira. I don’t know for you o. Nothing can save you.

Image: Naij

2. Mind your business.

Seriously, just plug in your earphones and face your front throughout your journey. In the event that an argument ensues between the conductor and a passenger or between two passengers, do not attempt to involve yourself, just unlook. If that’s too difficult for you, just hold your lips.

3. Resist the urge to use your phone.

Keep your phone in your pocket or bag. There is a high risk that it’s going to get stolen. So hold on to that fire tweet, that you’re sure is going to get all those retweets. You just might make it alive of the bus to tweet it. Just don’t do it in the Danfo. If not, you’re bound to end up like:

4. Sit near the window.

The bus is probably going to  be filled with a lot of horrible smells, and may God help you if someone farts. Do yourself a favour and try and to find a window seat.